This question came to my mind unexpectedly, while I was reading air monitor reviews on Ten Tipper, waiting for my boss to provide me with the 25th round of budget changes next year. Although this exercise is completely useless, because the 26th round will come tomorrow, I felt guilty. A sense of guilt for me is like eating or breathing, an everyday necessity. If there is no clear reason for this; It’s not a problem, I can always make it up. I accuse my mother of this – my Jewish mother.
My mother loves my sister and me and unconditionally. We talk every day. If my mom calls, and I’m not at home, I feel guilty. She invented some terrible scenarios in her mind and guessed to death. She will feed us and our families until we can get out of the table. If I do not try everything that she has prepared and supplemented, I feel guilty – her feelings hurt her. I do not remember hearing “Good Work” from my mom. There is always something small (or big) that can be done better. She compares us to others, but for some reason does not come to the conclusion that we grew up to be independent and successful people. Firstly, my mother is surprised that her child really did something; Secondly, there is someone else who has achieved more. She is concerned that we do not think about everything before taking an important step. When I told her that we are buying a house, she asks: “Are you sure that you have money for this?” “What happens if you lose your job?”
The main goal of my parents was to make sure that we have food, clothes and a roof over our heads. They wanted us to get an education that would lead to stable work – with a “stable” keyword. It’s okay to get stuck at work that you hate until you get paid. All this is done. We talked about politics, books, but never about personal matters. I could not imagine to talk with my parents about alcohol, drugs and sex. It was not what you discussed at the dinner table.
My parents wanted us to have a good life – stable, calm, without risk, without any serious ups or downs. They did what they knew and it was convenient for them. They are great people, and I learned a lot from them. They formed the person I grew up with.
In my opinion, my mother is partly a “Jewish mother.” She definitely overcame me (too bad, I’m naturally skinny) and always put me first; but she also instilled a sense of guilt in me, worried about non-existent problems and doubts about my abilities. She was never excessively protected or wanted to return something in return for her “difficulties” in educating me. I am grateful to her for not being too involved in my life after I got married. She could comment on small things, but she was away from my relationship with my husband, children, career choice, money decisions. In some areas of education of my children, I follow my parents, in others – in a completely different way. Being a likely parent, I constantly question my approach to teaching children, and I make decisions on a daily basis. I can think that right now I’m processing things correctly, but the next day I realize my mistake.
This leads me to the question: am I a Jewish mother? Of course, I am a mother and I am a Jew, but these are not the only prerequisites for obtaining this Honorary degree. In fact, you do not even need to be a Jew to qualify for a “Jewish mother.” I still need to find out if this is an insult or addition. I think it depends on the circumstances.
I decided to see what others think about it, and came up with the following “Jewish mother syndrome”:
Stereotype Usually includes nagging, loud, high-talkative, excessive, choking, and domineering mother or wife who persists in interfering with the lives of her children long after they become adults and who excellently makes her children feel guilty for acting , which can cause her suffering.  A Jewish maternal stereotype may also include a loving and overly proud mother who very much protects her children in front of others. Like stereotypes of mother mothers, Jewish heroines often demonstrate readiness for the family, encouraging loved ones to eat more and be very proud of their food. Feeding a loved one is characterized as an expansion of the desire of the mother of others. Lisa Aronson Font describes the stereotype as one of “endless carers and Infinite self-sacrifice” by a mother who demonstrates her love for “constant overfeeding and relentless care for every aspect of her children and the well-being of her husband.” 
Jewish mothers are an irresistible force of nature that will feed you, pamper you and pester you with the slightest provocation. known by a random spout of Yiddish.
be warned: if you come to my house, you will leave with a full stomach and a bag of leftovers.
Based on Richard W. Malotte at the University of Western Michigan, who spent a lot of time studying this syndrome: “Syndrome of the Jewish mother: you can never do it right, no matter how hard you try, so try harder and harder, if you do not you will feel even more guilty. ” Without our own syndrome of a Jewish mother, we would never have the most brilliant, discerning psychotherapist in the world of Sigmund Freud. But without their Jewish-maternal syndromes, Dr. Freud’s patients would not need the most brilliant psychotherapist in the world. emotional behavior, and they will also have a low level of other professional professional or work behavior. Those who had a moderately effective Jewish motherhood will start to fear failure at the beginning of the month when the task is assigned and will start working on immediately, with immediate results of a moderate decrease in their fear and with long-term results that they timely fulfill a large volume of high-quality tasks ” .
The other day I talked to my son’s swimming coach, asking her to make him work hard. She said: “You must be a Jewish mother, I have three boys, they all grew up now, they are successful, because I forced them to work.” I believe that it is difficult to work in the work, and do everything possible. Laziness drives me crazy. I do not like to leave tasks until the last minute. If the school-academy has a problem or not, it should be exchanged, otherwise I can not help, and they must take full responsibility for the result. Is it much to ask the child? Probably, but I think that if they do not study discipline and work ethic at an early age, they will not be successful. My standards and expectations are high. I want them to be challenged. I force them to work. I shout, if they do not listen, and then feel bad. It’s difficult to compete with U-pipes, X-box, I-pad, etc., but this is a topic of another conversation.
I do not overfeed or nagozhu. I will never blame my children for everything I had to “sacrifice” for their upbringing. This is because, despite the general belief, I do not sacrifice anything. If you decide to do something, you take it all-good and bad-without complaint. This applies to careers, sports, hobbies, friendships, but somehow society has different rules for children. If someone buys a luxury car, everyone understands – he likes to drive it; if he pays for the education of his child – he sacrifices. Well, knowing that my children are getting a good education, I like it more than driving a luxury car. Children do not choose to be born and do not choose how to raise them, so they do not need to pay for it.
I try not to be too protective, but my husband compensates for this. For him, there is insufficient evidence to confirm that the cold weather does not cause an epidemic of flu. He is ready to go higher and further to dress my teenager in something warmer than his classmates. The imposition of a basketball ring on the trip took several months of intense negotiations. What if the ball bounces off the road? Therefore, he clearly fills this part of the requirements of the “Jewish mother”.
I believe that I pursue your interests in choosing a career. I told my children that I do not care who they will be if they are good at what they did. There is no restriction on what they can do. This concept is alien to parents. They believe that I must point my sons in the “right direction.”
We talk about everything. I do not think that telling the truth about my mistakes and weaknesses affects the respect my children feel for me. This strengthens our communication, strengthens the concept that no one is perfect, and everything is in order. We constantly criticize each other, we joke. My 8-year-old can light us how many times we got drunk, or if we’ve ever tried drugs; and he will receive an honest answer with graphic details to support him. I remember how my oldest son returned from a night trip to the camp and began to tell me about how a bunch of boys found a bra in a forest nearby and bowed to him on a bunk. When I told him that I really did not want to know all the details of this ridiculous act, he said: “But you wanted to know everything.” Behind it there is no complex philosophical or educational tactics; I just enjoyed hearing their opinions and doing things.
My son feels guilty when he does not do something, what he should do (for example, a school project). He accuses me of this (sounds familiar?). “Mom, I feel bad. Are you happy? “- he asks me. I try not to overdo it in wine.
Many parents, whom I know, believe that the upbringing of children should be a “work” – exhaustion and consumption. For me, despite the fact that at times quite overwhelming and stressful, upbringing is mostly related to fun. This contradicts the very core of the “Jewish mother” term. Nevertheless, I still consider myself “a Jewish mother”.
In my opinion, the term evolved through the years. We live in more open and more inclusive society. The corporal punishment is replaced by more lenient alternatives. Being grounded in the room with I-phone and computer, or spending 30 minutes in detention doesn’t do much disciplining. Parents don’t have as much influence on the kids as they had before due to abundance of information coming from all the different sources. You can’t protect your kid from it, only to teach them to deal with it, and make the right choices. At the end I am pursuing the same goals as a traditional “Jewish mother” does; I just have updated my methods a bit. I don’t know if my approach will bear fruit, or back fire. Time will tell. To me “Jewish mother” is a mother who is crazy about her kid. I am definitely one of those, just more liberal one